Should You Date While Trying to Get Back Your Ex?
Now this is a tricky one! Sometime ago, I would definitely have said, "YES"! But, I've thought about this long and hard and have to say, I now disagree with many experts on this matter! So please, don't date another person if you really want to get back with your ex!
If you do, you'll almopst certainly anger your ex further... or make them more distant. By going out with someone else, you'll make them jealous and that's not what you want!
When you think about it... the only reason they'd become angry is because... they still care!
Right?
Why would they possibly be upset if they didn't care?
You see, when you start dating someone else, you're saying, "I'm OK with the breakup. I'm happy and I'm moving on".
It's at this point that your ex will realise they are going to lose you forever! It doesn't matter what you've said up until this point... you could have told your ex thousands of times you'll find someone else... but when you actually go out on a date with someone else, that action speaks louder than any words you can say.
It shows your ex that you're moving on and you may be gone forever. Is that really what you want your ex to think?
OK, this may create a situation where your ex tries to win you back. But will it be for the right reasons? Or will it be because their ego has got the better of them?
Let me emphasise this again... going on dates to make your ex jealous as a way of getting them back is a tactic that's often recommended by relationship gurus, but it's not one I'd recommend under any circumstances!
Please, don't do it!
I've seen this backfire so many times and not only that, it often makes matters so much worse.
It may work initially, but soon enough you'll be right back where you started... or worse!
So why doesn't jealousy work?
When you're ex sees you with a new "partner," they'll probably come to one of the following conclusions...
- You are no longer available. Any lingering doubts they had are now replaced with a clear sign they should move on, and perhaps start a new relationship themselves.
- You are clearly trying to make them jealous, or you are just going out with this other person "on the rebound". In either case, you run the risk of looking immature, which is obviously not an attractive characteristic. If your ex sees through your plan, you efforts to get back together are dead.
- Initially, either consciously or sub-consciously, your ex may wonder how they stack up against the new person in your life. They may even wonder if they are good enough for you. And for the sake of satisfying their ego, they may get back together with you.
This is what some experts have tried to sell!
In most cases you will not get back together and if you're one of the rare cases that do get back together, your chances for staying together are very, very slim indeed.
That's because, once you're back together your ex's ego (and any doubts) are satisfied. Once you're back together, they realize the other person you were with was just a passing fancy and doesn't stack up to them. And they realize that no, you are not too good for them, as you took them back. And once the thrill of "the game" is over, they are left in a relationship that is the same as when you both broke up.
I've rarely seen a relationship last in this situation and it almost always ends up in another breakup.
Let's take a look at the real issue...
You want to get back with your ex. You want to restore love to your relationship. It stands to reason then, you should do things which help you reach this goal, not make your ex jealous.
In other words, you should do things which foster positive feelings about you and not do things which foster negative feelings about you.
All of this may sound over-simplified, but often the obvious things need to be said.
All too often, after a breakup, our emotions take hold of us and we can't work out up from down or left from right. In the three examples listed above, none of them will result in your ex feeling emotions of real love or attraction towards you.
Jealousy isn't one of the feelings you should want your ex to feel... under any circumstances. Jealousy can lead to resentment, which quite simply will spell disaster for any plans of reconciliation.
If your best efforts at getting back together, aren't working, don't despair help's at hand...
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